My Friend deepak, commented on this picture of mine(in malayalam):kathaapaathram aalochanayil aanu....ekaanthathayude oru nimishathil ayaal poypoya nimishangal orkunnu....njaan innu aaraanu...enthaanu...chuttinum ellaarum undengilum njaan idhaa ottaykku....
(translation: Our character here, is thinking!!.... at that split second of his loneliness...he questioned himself.."who am i?..what am i?...there's everyone around me, for me,..but...here i am ..all alone)
After reading this comment, i decided to write..to explain my pic..and thats what i have written below, the reason for the picture and the thanks for his concern n beautiful comment!!:)
My explanation for the pic-When i started writing this comment, i was listening to this song..coz it was my mood-from the movie rithu(season's)-song-pularumo (will it dawn)?.i have added the youtube URL for those who wish to hear.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cp4ApSYK9b8 and
Missing you by Joh waite
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNFmisfcsm8
It "was" just a pic!!.just a... normal....hmmm boring afternoon.Angry hot breeze, exchanging displeasure's, in an heated manner, warm heavy sigh's of despaired confusion..no electricity..its just so bright outside..and in my eyes..a whole bright garden reflected back..hot,dry and quiet outside..and inside..it was warm, torn n sad in a sour way....and i didn't know what to do!?
I looked at my reading glasses lying on the table..and "i" saw my twins-"me" n "myself",twin reflexions of my sun-bright curious face, looking back at me, as my hands reach'd out for them. I took them up and looked...4 eyes looked back in confused concern n slowly 3 mouths smiled back @ each other...incomplete identical smiles..half-a-smile, half-a frown..like a sad clown -.the sound inside me,..my guardian guru with "my sound", told me..."don't worry jithu...it was meant to be..n you knew it from the start!!..u knew it all along..u knew all the cautions u had to take..yet!!! u let urself fall carefree..FACEDOWN!! now OUCH THAT HURTS!!n still why do u act so childish-u asked for IT!!!..come-on dude..snap out of it..you have seen worse..n this is'nt as bad as ur imagining it to be...comeonnnn jithu...dont worry"
I still looked sun-bright..as my frown tried to morph-agree into something-like 2 lips trying to decide between an "its-ok yaar smile" and a "reasonable frown"..
I saw my camera n i just smiled..coz i realized there are somethings that will never leave u..come what may!!..i set the tripod n sat back..with the timer..beep beep beeping flashing red..telling me to get ready...this is life..and the show must gone on!!
And behind the lens of my camera..like a trusty friend who understood me.."I" appeared on the camera LCD screen, frozen in time..in black and white, still trying to decided between an "its-ok yaar smile" and a "reasonable frown".. but this time i smiled looking at it...and i said silently to myself-"The show will go on..come autumn or winter..i know there will be a spring and another summer..n a monsoon..my role is uncertain..but hey..i'm going to play my part!! i dont want an oscar..coz who needs it..when i have got mmy friends..n loved ones..n me..n myself :)
Yes i know..its the 8th of october..yes i know its the emotional noon after the sad morning!! yes i know...this is october..this is my birth month...the 23rd day of october..the month of lights..diwali..the reason i was named roshan( to enlighten) in the beginning...yes i know it was a friday..a wonderful afternoon 28 yrs ago..when I popped out!!!. a friday..as by superstition n folklore..the devi's ( goddess) favourite day for worship..a day when ghosts n bhoothams come out..shiva's fav devotees..in his fav place..the graves...28 yrs later..today on this 8th october noon..i think...maybe its meant to be..i am meant to be..a ghost always..lingering in people s mind..make friends..n leave them, like a distant memory..but yes i do know..i have got some friends..who'll never leave me..they are always there :)..its just my nature..to be so unpredictable like life!!It's just my nature..when i realize this is my month of change..the change of season..has come..its time for fall..the fall season..when u realize..for every spring there is a death..a cold harsh winter..for every leaf, there is a fall...a fall when emotions rustle together like the echo of death..who will seperate them..as they slowly fall down to what has given birth to them..whistling in the october sighss..heavy..leaving..coz they know..they have no choice,,,that is what the rhythm of rithu(season's) commands...a fall..a realization this is the end for now..but soon-to-be the birth..the beginning for another spring.dew fresh..green n blossoming with her bosom full of love..this is just rithu..the season of life..my season..my reason...for every spring there will be a fall, n viceversa..n hence my season of realization...for every smile there will be a frown n vice versa..my rithu..jithu's rithu :)
so i took the pic..n uploaded it here..n u, my dear friend deepak..u saw something which i myself forgot abt that uncomfortably lazy hot..afternoon..it was a sad day for me..but like all sad, bad, or nice days..life goes on..mornings come n go..so do mournings..they rise n set..like the rithu( seasons ) of life..thank u deepak :)
now that the mood is done with..this is what i'm listening to :-Pink-so what
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJZDsJ8UU64-god..i;m soo wicked!!..i love that attitude..n thats what i'm rocking to!!!
After writing all this..i felt..like wow!!!..i cant believe i can make sense n non-sense out of my shit!!!..so i thought ..let this be my first blog!!!.
